Facial Hair

When you first start dating someone, you inevitably go through that period of time where you’re spending a lot of time with them, going out to dinner and staying up way later than you normally would, trying to decide if you like them and if they are really worthy to introduce to your friends. By this Friday night, almost everyone whose opinion I really cared a lot about had met the Brit, either on purpose or by default. Everyone that is, except Vanessa, whose opinion I revere and was a little nervous about. When I decided that I really liked the Brit, I wanted everyone who was close to me to like him too. So, I teased Vanessa that she couldn't meet him yet cause I was a little nervous about it. Rightfully so, I suppose, ‘cause when the Brit left to go to the bathroom I did what every girl does. I turned to Vanessa to take advantage of the five minutes girls use to quickly gossip while the guy is gone, and she said, “I didn’t expect him to have so much facial hair.” Hmm. Not exactly the reaction I was hoping for.

I’m not embarrassed that the Brit has facial hair. I think it’s hot. I’ve always been into a little bit of scruff, however, I will agree that some guys take it a little too far. For example, Sarah, Kelly and I attended a friend’s party on Saturday. Good God, if you could have seen the facial hair that some of these guys had. Good thing I wasn’t necessarily on the prowl, otherwise I would have been extremely disappointed with the selection at this party. It wasn't pretty. When I walked in, all I saw was one guy with a glaring, child molester mustache. It was so gross; Sarah and I couldn’t even stand to look at it. Seriously, what is up with guys all thinking it’s so funny to have “contests” where they compete to do really gross things with their appearance such as mullet-growing contests, mustache-growing contests or guys that don’t cut their hair until the end of some ridiculously unimportant sporting event? I’ve known a number of my guys friends lately who have grown a mustache for a laugh. I guess this is better than, [gasp], growing one cause you actually think it looks good. It doesn’t. Never. Mustaches are just not something that are hot, or ever will be. Unlike Kelly, I will never say, “Yes, please, I would love a mustache ride.”

On top of the ridiculous mustache that I really hope was a joke, another guy had long, stick-straight 70s style hair with sideburns that I could not even begin to describe. He looked like he stepped out of Dazed and Confused. It was bad. The sideburns were actually huge triangles that extended to the middle of his cheek, fading off into a slight point that was filled in with pube-like hairs. Gross. As a guy, if your facial hair grows in resembling pubes, or it is so long that it actually fits the term “chin pube,” it’s time to shave it off. Seriously. Just. Get. Rid. Of. It. I guarantee you’ll get more chicks.

In conclusion, while Vanessa’s comment wasn’t exactly what I was hoping for, I will say that the age-old cliché “to each their own” rings true. Some girls like their men scruffy, some girls don’t. At least I can be grateful for the fact that the Brit doesn’t have just one dirty Mexican shit 'stache, tacky 70s hair that hangs in his face or pubescent, triangle sideburns.

Currently Feeling: Full from Mom's home-cooking
Currently Watching: The Oscars
Currently Dreading: Yet another Monday morning