"The Talk"

Last night after wrapping up the evening with my old roommates by devouring a pot of chocolate fondue at The Melting Pot, I continued over to Peso’s with the Brit. While we were standing outside smoking, the inevitable came up. “So,” he says. “I just have to ask…”

Okay. That right there is a loaded entrance to a question and can only equal an ensuing bad or uncomfortable situation. I thought in my head, “Oh great. Here it comes. We’re going to have ‘the talk’.” Having “the talk” is not necessarily what scared me. I’ve been a little iffy about where things were going between us, how he felt etc. I’ve felt myself growing a little bit more attached to him as the weeks go by, so naturally, I’ve felt the need to guard myself (as all jaded people do) before I get in too deep. I’ve been wondering where things stood with us, according to him. So, of course I should have embraced the idea of “the talk.” But being the unnaturally awkward and shy person I am when talking about my feelings to the opposite sex, it didn’t exactly go according to what I had laid out in my head. (Surprise. Surprise.)

“Yes,” I said.

“What exactly do you tell your friends about what is going on between us?”
Ok. Blatant and to the point, however, does he want to know what I say such as what I call him, ie: boyfriend, guy I’m dating, the Brit? Or is this going in a direction that I’m completely unaware of and should I “pussy-foot” around the topic. Of course, I decided to “pussy-foot.”

“Uh. What do you mean?” I say shyly.
I try to get out of this one, but it’s not going to work and after some coaxing from him, and some lame comment about me being shy, I finally say…

“I tell them you’re the guy I’m dating.”

“What else? Is that it?” he says.

“Uh.”
Okay. I’m going to just come out and say a G-rated version of what I tell my friends because if I really go into every little detail and conversation I have with them about him, he’s going to think I’m a complete psycho. I doubt he want to hear that “I think it’s cute when he twirls his hair when he’s watching TV.”

“I tell them that you’re British and you’re 34 and you’re good in bed.”
How’s that for a description?

“Really?! Good in bed?!?” He fakes surprise.
Come on. This is what every guy loves to hear, and I’m sure he just acted surprised so then I could go into more detail and stroke his ego a little more. Yeah good. Great. Blah blah blah. Moving on. (I’m super uncomfortable disclosing how I feel about someone.)

“Well I was just wondering because you’re friends kept giving me weird looks when I was at the phone at The Melting Pot, and I was just curious about what you said to them about me.”
Hmm. Sure. This is the only reason you’re bringing this up. My guess is that they were giving you weird looks because you were on the phone at the table the whole time I went to the bathroom and were still talking when I came back.

“My friends don’t really ask me anything about you,” he continues. “It’s really weird. Guys don’t want details I guess. I say ‘This girl I’m dating/seeing/uhhh…’ And they ask, ‘Is she cool?’ and I say, ‘Yeah. She’s cool.’ Then they change the subject.”
Oh perfect. So, basically throughout this conversation I’ve established that he thinks “I’m cool.”

“Hmm. Girls ask all sorts of questions,” I continue. I’m getting brave now! “They ask ‘What does he do? Where does he live? Does he like the States? Has he been married? Does he have any children? Is he cute? Blah Blah.”
Obviously, girls could talk endlessly about the guys they are dating and probably don’t prefer any other conversation to the latter.

“And what do you say?”
Come on. Do you really need anymore ego stroking? Can’t I just tell you that I think, “You’re cool,” and move on with it?

“I say you’re a software programmer, and you’re cute.”
At this point, I am definitely not disclosing any more than I need to. No way do you need to know that I like it when you twirl your hair.

“Hmm. My friends don’t ask me any questions about you. They have no idea what you do or anything.”

“They just know I’m 24,” I retort back.

“Yeah basically,” he finishes as we walk back inside.

Analysis: Okay. This “talk” obviously did not go in the direction that I was hoping. I froze up. Now, I’ve established that he thinks “I’m cool,” and he at least has said that we’re “dating/seeing/uuhhhhing” each other. Slightly ambiguous. Although, after a few more beers and shots, he did tell me that he sent a photo he took of me to his mom and four sisters in England. I suppose that is pretty insightful as to how he feels and where he thinks this is going. So, in conclusion, I’d say things are good…

P.S. I had a disturbing moment at a meeting at work today when the whole room had their eyes closed in prayer and the person praying closed with, “Thanks for allowing us to call you Daddy.” Being the sinful and lascivious person that I am, I couldn’t get the phrase, “Who’s your Daddy?” out of my mind and actually had to stifle a laugh. This is why I’m not a religious person. It just doesn’t work.

Currently Feeling: Relieved that I got paid today and can buy groceries.
Currently Anticipating: Dinner at Crow tonight.