Bad luck in the Random Shiz That Goes On department

I have some serious bad luck in the Random Shiz That Goes On department.

I don’t think I’d consider myself a clumsy person – I don’t generally have a problem with dropping things, falling over, tripping, etc. But I do have a problem with little mishaps and sometimes I just do stupid shiz, so I guess I might be a little accident prone.

It appears as if I have to “initiate” myself into a new home with one of these little accidents before my body, mind and soul can feel comfortable there. It’s becoming a tradition.

For example, for those of you who are new readers, when I moved into my old apartment about two years ago, I came home after an all-nighter at the bars and accidentally knocked deodorant out of the cabinet above the toilet after flushing it, and it was SUCKED UP the freakin' toilet. Full story is here. Can you believe that? How does that happen? So, for at least the first week, the toilet was out of order while my landlord called a plumber. The whole debacle cost me $75. For bumping something out of the GD cupboard. Anybody else and the deodorant would have probably just fallen to the ground. But oh no, me – well, for me, it has to actually be timed just perfectly to be sucked up the toilet, clog it and cost me a mighty large fee for a drunken stumble. Bad luck in the Random Shiz That Goes On department.

So, last week was my first week living in the sexy new place, and I was packing away with bated breath, waiting for me to do something stupid. I almost lost an entire 16 ounces of dark iced tea all over the white carpet while walking into my room on the first night – but I caught it at the last minute. Phew. Looks like I was going to escape being a retard* just this once.

The next evening I was making dinner and hanging some pictures in the kitchen (I’m an ultimate multitasker), so I go to pick up the hammer, and the edge catches the plastic container of nails and screws that I have, and the ENTIRE freakin' container FALLS into the SINK with the GARBAGE DISPOSAL and at least 10 NAILS and other metal objects fall DOWN the disposal.

F*%#$@!

Now, because garbage disposals and gross food particles kinda give me the gag reflex, I told my roommate not to use it, put a plug over it and waited, sneakily for my boyfriend to come over a couple days later so I could ask him to fish out the nails for me, via the form of a “favor.”

Saturday morning I woke up and started off with, “I’ll make you breakfast if you do a favor for me.”

“Are you serious? Like what…” he eyes me warily. At this point, I’ve already enlisted him for moving my entire apartment, helping me break down and take out all the cardboard boxes, hanging items I can’t hang myself, storing a lot of my stuff I can’t fit at my place in his garage, and cleaning my old apartment. Some might say I’m running a slave relationship. I just say this is the reason why girls have boyfriends next to the fact that battery-operated items sometimes get old.

So I explain the nails to him, and he shakes his head, rolls up his sleeve and starts to fish around for NAILS and SCREWS in the garbage disposal. Of course, when I explained it to him, I just said, “a few.” I didn’t say “nearly the entire box.” So by screw number four and nail number eight, he was starting to get a bit frustrated with me. After about 40 minutes of fishing and a few scraped knuckles, he couldn’t see anymore, so we turned the disposal on.

RUUUHHH RUUHHHH SCUUUUUGG RUUH. zuuuuuu uuu uu u

The sucker stopped spinning. After further inspection, we still couldn’t find any more nails – so that means one is probably stuck somewhere we can’t reach, preventing it from spinning, and now I’ve broken the GD garbage disposal in week one and have to call my landlord to fix it.

The BF flicked off the switch, shook his head and looked at me.

I know exactly what he was thinking….

How in the HELL do you do this shiz?!

How?! I’ll tell you how – because I have BAD LUCK IN THE RANDOM SHIZ THAT GOES ON DEPARTMENT.

*I’m sorry if this term offends you. If it does, you should probably not read the blog. Hence the terms of my profile. Perhaps I should amend it to say, “I drink, fornicate and use the word retard a lot, therefore I’m not going to heaven.”

Currently Feeling: Jazzed up for the 30-day challenge I just enlisted myself in. Check it out!
Currently Anticipating: A dinner tonight to celebrate my Bestie's one-year return to home, a boat festival and parade on the Seattle waterfront tomorrow in 66-degree weather (!!!) and a lovely Sunday planned for Mother's Day, including brunch at a new spot in Ballard.
Currently Needing: Some really great summer/spring shoes.