For the blogswap, I was paired with the lovely 20-year-old James, who lives in England and writes for his blog, Jeimusu-kun. James needs to know, from the plethora of lovely ladies here, your opinion on flowers on the first date. Be so kind to offer up your advice to him. The man could use some of your lady opinions.
I was sure to give my dating advice to James - for my blogswap post, I shared a very important lesson I learned while dating Old Balls, aka The Brit, aka the British 35-year-old. Be sure to check it out!]
So, typically, I'm writing this drunk at 3:15am on the day it's due. I feel I've earned the right to this however - dissertation all handed in and whatnot.
Anyway, I thought I'd give a guy's perspective on dating. Well, I would, except most guys are assholes. I'll admit this - most are the biggest hypocrites I've ever seen; they'll moan about how girls cheat on them and fuck them around, and then do precisely that to other girls. Vicious cycle ensues.
I've always tried my hardest to avoid that. I've slipped up a couple of times, I will admit - but by the whole one of my aims in life is to not be one of those guys.
One night, fairly recently, I was a bit drunk and actually mustered up the confidence to ask a girl if I could buy her a drink. Disclaimer: I wasn't trying to get in her pants; I merely thought it would be a good way to initiate conversation. Surprise surprise, she thought I was trying to get in her pants. This is the real problem of the assholes: they act like nice guys to get laid and then all the girls thus get suspicious of the genuinely nice guys as they think they're just out for sex. Vicious cycle ensues. I need to stop using that phrase.
Anyway. Why I'm exactly complaining is beyond me, seeing as I ended up making out with the girl in question (who is very pretty) and am taking her out to dinner next week. Score.
Anyway, I'm obviously out to impress - I'm thinking, turn up at hers (on time, preferably), give her a nice lily from a proper florist wrapped in some greens (yes, I actually sought out advice for this, shock horror), walk her in, keep the conversation flowing and off volatile subjects i.e. past relationships, politics, etc., offer to pay, walk her home, and kiss her goodnight if all's gone well.
Interestingly, I've had an incredibly varied amount of feedback regarding this. Some say only take one flower, some say none at all, some say don't pay. Well, why the hell not? It's a gesture of kindness, surely - anyone who knows me in the slightest knows I'm not remarkably sexist in any way. I was brought up with manners and I don't see why I should be discouraged from using those. I'm interested in this girl and surely being a gentleman is a good way to show that?
Especially seeing as I'm out to differentiate myself from all the users and cheaters and liars out there.
What are your opinions on a guy offering to pay and turning up with flowers on a first date? Would you be touched, or would you run a mile?
7 comments:
I think the flowers could go either way. If I was super into a guy, I'd be flattered. If I was on the fence, it might give me heart palpitations.
The guy should definitely pay. Well, actually the "asker" should host the "askee." But she should at least make an effort to pay (at least reach for her wallet and offer) and express thanks. If not, that's just kinda bitchy.
Actually, who am I kidding. I love flowers. Go for it. Single stem is preferable to full bouquet.
I would be one smitten kitten if a guy showed up with a Lily (clearly, my fave flower) and would consider him a gentleman if he offered to pay. I'm all for picking up the tab down the line, but am always impressed when the guy picks up the first couple - call me old fashioned.
And I hate to admit it, but I've definitely been one of those girls that's skeptical of the nice guy in the bar, wondering if he's really just trying to get in my pants. Maybe you guys need some sort of signal that would alert us to the safe vs. sketchy ones. Then again, the assholes would figure that out and then start using it. Vicious cycle ensues.
Couldn't resist. Great post!
Oh, James-my love.
It's so nice to see an honest man. I fell in love with you when you said "I slipped up a few times.."
How many guys admit that? And I agree,you do end up having to pay for other Asshole's mistakes. My first boyfriend ever was an alcoholic and drug addict. So even now, I get a bit weary when whomever I'm seeing wants to drink.
As far as offering to pay, I personally have a hard time letting people do that for me. I have this thing with being independent and showing it. Most girls, the normal ones would be delighted if you paid.
As for flowers - tough call. Don't bring me flowers, bring me Pinot Grigio or Steak, and I'll be a sure thing. But again, most girls would love to see the flowers. Some might not.
I'd say to talk to the girl enough to try and see what kind of girl she is. Feel her out. (No, not FEEL HER UP. OUT.OUT)
Is it weird that when I read this, the voice in my head had a British accent? American girls love guys with accents!
I agree that the person who asks should offer to pay. Personally, I try to make an offer or gesture. If you pay for dinner, then I'll try to pick up drinks after. Or if we go to a movie, I might buy the popcorn.
Flowers on a first date are risky, but since you've already made out with her, then I think it is a sweet gesture. She's probably hoping you're not just an asshole trying to get in her pants.
Not that it's a requirement, but I know that most girls would be completely turned off if you didn't pay on the first date. It's a tough one, though.
I was going to wait a minute to share this, but ironically, James, three of the last four posts I wrote on my former dating blog for a Seattle newspaper, were all about flowers on the first date.
You can read them and the comments, here:
http://blog.seattlepi.com/singleout/
Thanks for all the advice so far girls. I'm still undecided on the flowers at the moment, as her flatmates think I shouldn't so I'm wrestling with whether I trust them or whether I go for it.
Je, reading up on your posts now, thanks for the extra help =].
Post a Comment
Thanks for taking the time to read and put your two cents in! I like to read and respond to most of my comments, so click the "Subscribe By Email" button to be part of the conversation! OkThnxBai.