A friend of mine called because she had two tickets to George Balanchine’s “Jewels” at McCaw Hall and wanted to invite me last minute. “Why not?” I thought. I’d never been to a ballet before (outside of The Nutcracker, which is more of a play with a lot of child dancers), and figured it be good to check it off my list. We hit up happy hour on Queen Anne, downed a couple glasses of wine and walked down to McCaw Hall, where we took our seats, only 16 rows back from the stage, right before the curtain rose. I quickly flipped through the program. “Jewels” is apparently a classic ballet and George Balanchine a famous composer, which I didn’t know. All I could focus on was that it was plotless (just dancing to classical music without a storyline) for nearly three hours. Uh, oh. What did I get myself into?
As the ballerinas tinkled out of the side curtains – so did the ballemen. Is that what they’re called? Well, either way – I was NOT prepared. No way, no how. Those guys are seriously not wearing more than what looks like white paint on their legs, buttocks and package. Imagine if I left the house this morning with nothing on but a top and sheer pantyhose. It is SO distracting. You can see every muscle and dimple in their butts, which are like Jenny from the Block size, as they turn and twist and prance across the stage. I’d compare it to soft porn.
Here’s my night at the ballet in a nutshell:
Act I: Emeralds
Pretty green ballerinas dance out, following by ballemen in white pants and poofy sleeves. Oh look at how they sway their
Intermission: We guzzle a glass of white wine.
Act II: Rubies
Ooh. Red and gold. Out come the ballemen again in white pants and puffy sleeves. Sassy jazz music. I like this
Intermission: We guzzle a glass of white wine.
Act III: Diamonds
Sparkles bedazzled everywhere and pretty tulle tutus – and here they come again in white pants and puffy sleeves. Oh, five ballemen at once. I don’t know what to do with myself. FIVE BUTTS, FIVE BUTTS, CENSORY OVERLOAD. Ooh they’re so strong and big. Yeah baby. LOOK AT THEIR EYES, LOOK AT THEIR EYES. All in all, baby got back. Er, I mean I’d definitely go back.
Currently Feeling: So sleepy. I want to take a nap like right meow.
Currently Anticipating: Seeing my BF tomorrow when he flies home from Montucky!
Currently Loving: SparkPeople.com
4 comments:
HAHAHA! I think I should check out this show, but maybe not from such close seats. ;)
Thanks for the laugh!
Everyone should check out the show from close seats, it's the only way you can see the dimples...
I used to do ballet for a REALLY long time.. and I must say, it is rather distracting at times. We used to have these European boys train during the summer with us. Oh my.. it took everything we had to focus on our Balanchine variations and not the dimples.
I've been to the ballet twice this year. SO glad I paid for the bleachers.
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