Just Friends

“Women are for friendship, men are for fucking,” says Samantha Jones.

This stood out to me last night as I was watching the end of season two: Sex and the City. The topic of female vs. male friendships was on my mind because earlier in the day, my good guy friend and I had argued his position on my MySpace page. I know, it sounds ridiculous. But, he was ultimately joking about and ridiculing the whole new “Top 8” phenomenon. Still, we discussed his number four position behind three of my best girl friends—Amanda, Vanessa and Sarah. He made a valid argument about me not seeing or talking to one of them very often and that he believes he’s a better friend. I got to thinking about this for a bit. He had some truth to his argument. He was a better friend. I talk and see him more often, and he supported me more during the last “relationship” I had. But, why do I still feel closer to my girl friend? While it’s possible to have friends who are members of the opposite sex, are they ever capable of being as close to you as your friends who are the same sex?

Male friends are complicated. I should know, I’m lucky enough in my life to have many of them. And for most of them, they’ve always been “just friends.” Except for the occasional drunken slip-up, I’m not into hooking up with them, and certainly not looking to date any of them. Well, shit. I’m not going to lie, I’ve been guilty of having feelings at one time or another for some of them. But, more often than not, I just want to keep things at a simple friendship. But, what does a “simple friendship” consist of?

I’m sure you’ve all heard people say, “A guy never has a girl friend that he wouldn’t want to sleep with.” Not necessarily comforting when you have a boyfriend with a ton of female friends, and it’s always been a phrase that I’ve argued strictly against. I mean, I’ve had plenty of guy friends who I’m pretty darn sure wouldn’t want to sleep with me. At least, I’d like to think. However, I have kissed most of my guy friends, whether it be friendly or a little more. Hell, I've even made-out with my gay guy friend.

Is it the sexual complications and attraction that get in the way of ever really feeling close to a friend of the opposite sex? Are these friendships ultimately based on one or the other having feelings for each other? You always see on television, in the movies, or read in books the whole “my best guy friend and I got together after being friends for years and now we’re happily ever after.” I admit that this whole dating myth has crossed my mind before.

Or, does it have nothing to do with sex, but simply the differences between men and women? Do we feel closer to our female friends because they know what’s it’s like to shop for four hours for the perfect shoes, feel like you can’t get out of bed because you’ve gained five pounds, and cried for six months over someone you dated for two. Guys don’t go through these life situations, and they certainly don’t know how to relate to them. In fact, it would never even cross my mind to discuss these sort of things with my guy friends.

Perhaps this is the underlying factor—we can never really feel that close to men because they can’t really ever fully understand what it's like to be us.

So now that I’ve written the feminist, Oprah blog, I should have come up with an answer or some sort of conclusion to sum this up. But, as I reread over what Samantha said, I can only come to one conclusion: I don’t think that men are just for fucking. Whether my friendship with guys are confused by feelings and attraction, I still enjoy having most of them in my life. Each one of them brings something different to the table, and there isn’t one friend that I’d want to omit. And, if we end up fucking, well, I'd like to consider that just a minor detail.

Currently Feeling: Ready to drink like a fish!
Currently Anticipating: Brynn’s wedding reception tonight. I bought a sexy black dress and will hopefully meet at least one cute guy to flirt with.