20-Something’s Guide to Summer Solstice

Attending a festival to celebrate Summer Solstice this coming weekend is a must. It’s the longest day of the year and commemorates my favorite season—summer! If you live in Seattle, you must, must and MUST go to Summer Solstice Festival in Fremont. (If you don't live here, schedule a trip to Seattle around it.) Hippies, naked bicyclers, crazy dancers, floats, a parade, good food, fantastic local art, etc. I highly recommend it. I’m somewhat of an expert on it because I go every single damn year, and you will, of course, find me there this weekend. So, I wrote a quick guide, gathered from past experiences. If you’re attending Summer Solstice in Fremont this weekend, heed the following:

• Don’t ride your bike as transportation. Sure it’s great because there’s no parking, but it’s a real bitch to be attached to a bike when you can barely stand up from drinking all day.


• Do pour massive amounts of vodka in a Slurpee so you can drink in public. It tastes fantastic, and oh yes—they have sugar free flavors.


• Don’t schedule an airplane ride in the evening of Summer Solstice. It makes it really hard to locate a passport or get on the plane if you’re so drunk you can’t walk.
• Do wear sundresses, backless tank tops, short skirts or no shoes. It’s a hippie festival and (more often than not) hot! Celebrate bare skin, baby!
• Don’t sit in the beer garden, in a chair for four hours without standing. It’s really hard to monitor just how drunk you are and can lead to nasty walking injuries.


• Do pop a squat behind a camper RV in daylight, in the midst of the crowds. It’s Fremont and a hippie festival—no one judges!


• Don’t ride your bike into sticker bushes, located intermittently on the road between Fremont and Ballard. Also don’t fall off your bike when drunk and scrape your knees and elbows.


• Do drink champagne mimosas in the morning and arrive in time to view the parade at noon--naked bicyclers are the first to pass through!
• Don't forget to stop off at each and every bar after the parade. They're swarming with friendly drunk people, and it's an all-day party!
• Do go to the Sloop afterward. And make sure you Sloopersize your beer!


• Don’t order the Fried Special plate at George & The Dragon. It requires all five fry baskets to make, take approximately an hour and prevents everyone else from ordering fried goodness.


• Do get a plate of Phad Thai from the Kaosamai mobile truck with “peanut sauce really good" slathered all over.


• Don’t stare too hard when a buck-naked 60-year old walks by without any clothes on and a raging boner that is bouncing lightly while brushing up against innocent bystanders in the crowd.

(Sorry. No pic provided for the last. I want to keep all the good porn to myself.)

Currently Feeling: Charmed.
Currently Anticipating: Sunshine.
Currently Hating: Silence.