I want to evolve organically

I can’t tell you how unsettled I am lately with some peoples’ life-partner choice. Is it just me, or is the world full of 80 percent bad couples and 20 percent good? I can honestly only think of maybe three couples who I’d want to model a relationship after. Now that we've been out of college for three or more years, it seems everyone is in the race to find someone they can settle down with or tie the knot with their long-term college sweetheart. A lot of people measure their success by plus or minus one and can't move on from a relationship that's terrible, while everyone on the outside is going, “what the hell do you think you’re doing?!”

I feel like some people just have relationships fall into their lap and are bouncing from one commitment to another. Frankly, it gives me the heebie jeebies. What happened to healing, discovering yourself and your mistakes, and waiting for something genuine to come along? Maybe I’m too picky and know what a great relationship is supposed to feel like, so I’m less likely to kangaroo myself into a new one every six to eight months. I’m what I’d like to call a Healer. I need a healing period after dating someone. A little Man Break. A time to collect my thoughts, figure out what happened, and just forget the whole stress and hubabaloo for a minute before picking up the pieces and moving on to the next one. It’s becoming increasingly more real to me that I probably won’t be getting married before I’m 30. If you would have told me that a couple years ago, I probably would have grabbed the edge of the couch to brace myself and breathed deeply into a paper bag. But now, I feel it’s much more realistic than settling.

However, I’ve been known to get occasionally down on myself for the whole “perpetually single” thing. But then I rationalize my life Carrie-style, and say, “I have a great job, apartment, car, friends… “Why does one-minus-a-plus-one feel like it adds up to zero?”

Good point. It shouldn't. But, sometimes it just does. Can we chalk this up to societal pressure of what a successful person or woman has—the perfect, successful relationship?

Today I ran into a celebrity quote from this month’s issue of Cosmo. Celebrities. Wow. What a junk show. They’re in bad relationship from bad relationship, entering rehab, getting DUIs, puking up their food, flashing their va-j-jes. Why should I listen to what any of them say? But, this one struck close to home:

"I think women get caught up too much in having a plan - I'm going to get married at this age; I'm going to have a kid at this age - and then they just try to find a guy who will fit into that picture...I don't want my life to be based on that. I would rather it all evolve organically."

Wow. That’s it. I want to grow. I want to never look back with a life of regrets. I never want to say, “What if…” I don't want a cookie cutter life, nor do I want to run away from anything out of fear.

I want to evolve organically…

Currently Feeling: Frustrated with the job search. I’m feeling REALLY impatient.
Currently Anticipating: DOTL tonight. So super serially excited.
Currently Loving: The dog days of summer.