Hillbilly Heritage

Bet none of you knew that I’m 50 percent country-bumpkin. That’s right, I have a little bit of hillbilly in me. Bet ya’ll never thought you’d hear that one out of this city-girl's mouth. It’s not something I talk about much, but come this weekend, I can’t deny it any longer. I am heading down to Castle Rock, WA—population 2,000—for a big ole weekend getaway to visit my family. My dad lives down there, right next door to my grandparents, and my aunt, uncle and cousins. Certainly not the way I want to live my life when I’m married to a hot husband and have children, but convenient just the same. I haven’t seen this side of my family since Christmas, so I figured it was time to suck it up and postpone the partying for one weekend.

Obviously, I'm not very thrilled to go down there and never really am. The town drives me crazy—it’s one of those “Wal-Mart is Disneyland” places—and there isn't much to do besides flip through the 500+ stations on my grandparents satellite dish, listen to my grandfather tell “You Might Be a Redneck If” jokes and stuff myself with ridiculous amounts of food. I will say though, the food is definitely worth the 100-mile drive. My grandmother is an excellent cook—whose isn’t?—but mine really is talented. Plus, she’s southern, so I get to eat fried pork chops, biscuits, cornbread, cooked cabbage, gumbo, hush puppies, mashed potatoes and more. Everything is made with butter, butter and butter. It’s like nothing you’ve ever seen before. My grandmother cooks three full stovetop meals a day for my grandfather. Every morning it’s fried eggs, bacon or sausage, grits and toast. And everything is washed down with a glass of sweet tea. Seriously, if you don’t have some sort of southern background in your family, you’re missing out.

But, I’m always a little reluctant to visit my father. I have this giant ache in my heart for him. It just depresses me to see it right in front of my face. I mostly can pretend it isn’t there. I look at him and the choices he’s made, where he’s living, how alone he is, and I ask myself, “Is this how you saw your life, Dad?”

We don’t really know each other very well. He’s been around my whole life and didn’t used to be the cliché “absentee father,” but he doesn't really "know" me. We used to go camping and boating every summer. He would sing songs next to a bonfire behind his house, pile sleeping bags in the back of his truck for the drive-in movie and take me out to dinner at Sizzler, where the dessert bar to a 7-year-old is what an orgasm is to me now. But the older I get, the more I think he doesn’t know how to react to me. We’re so different. I’m liberal; he’s not. I love gay men; he’s homophobic. I don’t see color; he makes racist jokes. I love the city; he’s never wanted to leave the tiny town he’s lived in all his life. I’ve been to college; he barely passed high school. I drink recreationally; he can’t because he has a problem. I’ve traveled the world; I don’t think he’s ever been anywhere besides Florida (where he was born), Washington and Oregon. I can’t sit still for one minute; he’s content with the slow-paced life. Do you see where this is going? I want a relationship with him more than anything, but we can’t have one conversation without hitting a wall because we see things so differently, or me getting pissed because I’m so against his beliefs. I get excited because I’m probably going to get a full-time writing position at my job (vs. contract) and will most likely get to travel to Africa. I tell him this—he says in a very disapproving, the-rest-of-the-world-is-dangerous voice, “AFRICA! You don’t need to go to Africa.” I ask him if he wants to go fishing when I’m there this weekend (purely for the fact that it’s something he loves to do), and he says, “Why, so you can talk their ears off?”

Sigh.

I guess we all have people in our family who we love unconditionally just because they’re our family. But, I can’t help but to feel that I’m leaving my family here in Seattle this weekend. Each and every one of you, who support me, understand me, spend time with me, listen to me, call me and know me. Thank you…

Currently Feeling: Like I'm going to miss out on something super fun this weekend.
Currently Anticipating: Hopefully a little bit of sun and fun while I'm there.
Currently Listening To: The Scissor Sisters new single, "I Don't Feel Like Dancin,'" which, ironically enough, makes you feel like dancin'. It's awesome.