Mexicana Vacation w/ Seven Bonita Senoritas

HOLA! I’m back da ne ne ne ne.

Mexico was fantastic, fabulous, great, lovely….every good adjective you can think of in those sweet heads of yours. I vowed I’d never go back again after my senior trip to Mazatlan, however, it’s tough to pass up a week with six of your girl friends at a timeshare that you don’t have to pay for. It turned out to be worth every penny and more that I paid for it. I feel rested, relaxed, closer than ever to my girl friends, and TAN! That’s the greatest part…

The trip started off to a bit of a rocky start when Vanessa and I both forgot our passports (well, we didn’t really forget them, we just couldn’t find them and didn’t think it made too much of a difference). It did. I had to have my parents drive all the way to Bothell and back to the airport just so they could deliver my birth certificate to me. They arrived a half hour before my plane was leaving, and then the United Airlines lady wouldn’t let me on because the last name on my birth certificate is different than the last name on my driver’s license. (When I was little my mom changed my last name to my step-dad’s, but not legally, so I have no proof of this.) At the last minute, she said she was going to let me go but, “it isn’t United Airline’s fault if you get deported in Mexico!” Holy shit. That almost made me take-off in the other direction, however, the option to run, climb or swim my way back over the border calmed me down, and I sprinted to catch my flight.

My friend Shannon’s roommate Jessica’s (dog of a brother’s sisters cousin’s friend) parents are who owned the timeshare. It was beautiful! The name of the resort we stayed at was called Los Tulles, and we all had to wear yellow bracelets all week as a security measure. (I’ve gotten pretty good at accessorizing with it and debated cutting it off when I got home.) The timeshare was three stories with four bedrooms and a HUGE patio probably as big as my apartment that overlooked the beach. Los Tulles had eight pools—one main pool with a shaded patio restaurant and bar. The Happy Hour was buy one get one free on $3.60 drinks. Seriously, why did we ever have a reason to leave?

Well, none of us found very many reasons. We spent our week lounging by the pool in the recliners, reading books, floating in the pool, listening to our iPods, drinking margaritas, pina coladas, mai tais and more. Seriously, it’s amazing how fast time flies when you’re doing absolutely nothing. We managed to leave the resort here and there for some fabulous authentic Mexican dinners. My favorite restaurant was called Pepe’s where the waiters (hot ones at that! Never thought I’d say that I wanted to sleep with a Mexican) made fresh guacamole right in front of you, the margaritas were the size of a fish bowl and came in 10 or more different flavors, I ordered an amazing shrimp fajita burrito that had crack-sauce drizzled on it, and we laughed and sang along to the mariachi band. Definitely worth a visit if you ever find yourself in Puerto Vallarta.

I was muy impressed with the city and culture of Puerto Vallarta. It seems to be a city with a little more cash than other municipalities in Mexico. It wasn’t extremely dirt; the old town was charming, it was green and home to beautiful, bright-colored tropical plants; it was located right on the ocean with palm trees and a boardwalk that followed the water; and it had a lot of American amenities and stores so it wasn’t quite a culture shock as Mazatlan with it’s dilapidated buildings, extreme poverty, and little kids running around asking for 5 pesos for Chiclets—which is seriously sad and disturbing. (Can you say run-on sentence. Sheesh) As far as the nightlife goes, we managed to go out here and there, however, it was grad week so every single bar was swarming with filthy and gross 18-year-olds. Every time one of them would approach us at the bar we would just look at them and say, “Hi. We’re 24.” In other words, “Get lost!” It seemed to work pretty well. I did find myself so tipsy one night that I danced on top of the bar, kissed the cheeks of bouncers, and found myself trying to learn Spanish at 3:30 am inside Taco Burrito King. (Don’t ask.) “Cuchillo, cuchara, y tenedor!”

The week wasn’t completely devoid of Mexican-vacation lovers. Did you really think that seven girls would go to Mexico together and not get a little action? I hope not! There were two beautiful guys that we kept eyeing at the pool. And by “we” I mean “Jessica and I” because apparently we were the only hormone-driven horny people in Mexico. One of them looked exactly like Tom Cruise…he was pretty freakin good-lookin. Vanessa and I were the only ones with balls to approach them (who am I kidding. I don’t have balls; I just tagged along when Vanessa went over to their balcony.) We ended up hanging out with them on Wednesday night and every other night after that. They were only 20, but one looked like Tom Cruise and the other had a beautiful body. I would have pegged them to be 24, at least. Age is only a number, right? However, Risky Business was seriously the stupidest person I think I’ve ever met in my life (and the hottest!) It’s hard to hate someone who looks that pretty though, so I had my laughs and poked fun at him whenever I could. I think he loved me because I’m probably the only girl who didn’t give a shit about what he looked like and pitched him crap. My guess is that he has only dated girls with blonde hair and not much to say. Either way, no matter how much I made fun of him, he kept following me around and wanting to talk. I think I’m going to try this “tough-love” technique more often. Coupled with my insatiable drinking habit, I should pretty much be irresistible. Here are my favorite Risky Business quotes from the week; please feel free to laugh out loud at what an idiot this guy was/is:

“How do ya’ll read those big, thick books. They’re, like, so boring!”

“One time my baggage got lost, and I was really nervous because I had, like, $3,000 worth of shoes in there.”

“I’m not really what you’d call the ‘goal-oriented’ type.” – when asked if he actually worked or had plans for the future besides living off of his daddy’s money.

So, maybe I could have had the opportunity to make-out with this dude. But seriously, would you have ever forgiven me?

It’s a good thing I didn’t. Upon our arrival home, I searched for Dude and Homeboy on MySpace, just because it’s always incredibly entertaining to read about members of the opposite sex that you meet. I try to look up everyone I’ve every been interested in to see what they’re like….almost like I’m a hiring someone and I’m checking out the person who’s going to be frequenting my establishment. Well, upon the results of my search I discovered that the little bastards are actually 18. That’s right…EIGHTEEN. That’s my little sister’s age. SICK! Their MySpace pages included their prom pictures, and the guy who enjoyed the lovely bedded company of one of my girlfriends that trip actually has a super cute little girlfriend whose MySpace page quotes, “I’m dating Shawn Spalding and he is an amazing boyfriend.” Poor little thing.

Are you going to argue with the fact that this guy doesn't look 18, but definitely looks like Tom Cruise? (left)

All in all, the week was great, but I’m glad to be home in the safe arms and in the awesome company of all my friends who I missed with all my heart. Being away from home, the Internet, and the phone for a whole week is a little shocking, but I survived. Now all I have to do is survive through this god-awful workday, sitting inside, when all I want to be doing is sunbathing every moment of my life like last week!

Other Trip Highlights: Getting my very first massage for only $40 an hour, watching five dolphins swim and jump next to our boat, snorkeling and swimming with bright-colored fish, eating the best lemon meringue pie I’ve ever had from a Mexican lady who walks around selling pies she balances on her head, finishing three incredible books, and just being.

Stayed tuned for a slideshow of my Mexican pictures to be featured on my MySpace page…

Currently Feeling: Like I’ll never get through this fucking day. It’s hard to transition back from basking in the sun all day to sitting in a freezing cold cubicle and staring at a computer screen while it’s 90 degrees outside.
Currently Anticipating: Nectar Happy Hour tonight and a bike ride with Matt
Currently Dreading: Driving home in this sweltering heat in traffic and going back to my apartment, which is currently infected with swarms of fruit flies cause I left some dishes in the sink last week. GROSS!