Breakfast Oxymoron

I ate the grossest and most delicious thing for breakfast this morning. Now I can’t decide whether I just feel satisfied or if I should go throw-up. I woke up this morning with a nasty hangover after drinking beer last night. It’s been awhile. I’ve been trying to stay away since beer is a killer for the waistline. However, I bowled a 171 for the Lucky Strikes and kept winning free drinks, so of course I had to keep drinking…

I don’t know if it was because I dreamt about it, or if my sudden craving for chocolate milk was just a spontaneous combustion of my junk-food brain, but I needed it. I needed it now. So, while I was putting on my makeup this morning and counting down the minutes till I could drive to 7-Eleven and buy a creamy, cold bottle of chocolate milk, I started to think about how good a muffin sounded. I think I was trying to momentarily regress to my Fatty McGee days of working at Tully’s when pastries and fattening drinks were my morning, mid-morning, afternoon, mid-afternoon, mid-pre-evening-I’m-disgusting routine. Geez. And I wonder how I suddenly had pillows stuck on the sides of my thighs, ass and stomach last summer.

Before starting my morning commute to Federal Way, I stopped at 7-Eleven and perused the pastry case. It all looked pretty disgusting and the pre-packaged muffins said they were something along the lines of 560 calories and 30 grams of fat. I cannot physically read that and still buy something. It just sounds too gross and unhealthy. So, of course I settled for the muffin in the case that didn’t tell me how bad it was. That way I could pretend that it wouldn’t make me gain five pounds overnight. It was cherry. And had bright pink icing drizzled over it in a crisscross pattern. I figured, coupled with my chocolate milk, that it would taste like a chocolate-cherry explosion in my mouth!

It was a little dry. I decided to take just a couple bites of it and throw the rest away. During bite two, however, I discovered a small little white chunk in it that looked like a marshmallow. OMG…is this a cherry marshmallow muffin?!? (Everyone should know by now how I feel about marshmallows. If not, refer to my marshmallow blog on MySpace) Unfortunately, or fortunately, (I haven’t decided) it was not only a marshmallow muffin, but when I tore a piece off the side, I discovered that the whole damn inside was filled with marshmallowy frosting somewhat similar to what they put inside of a Ding-Dong or Twinkie. It was like discovering at the cash register that the most beautiful new shirt you picked out is actually half-off.

Is this muffin for real? It was unbelievable, yet kinda fell into the “scratch my eyeballs out” category after I picked it apart and all that was left was a gooey, crumby mess on the seat of my car. (Which will probably still be there next week.) Leave it to 7-Eleven to make a cream-filled fatty cherry muffin. I took the plunge, I fell for it. I am officially gross for not only eating it, but enjoying it while I did. I think the next step is buying one of those crusty rotating cream-cheese filled pizza hotdog things washed down with a Big Gulp. Somebody stop me.

Currently Feeling: A little icky and depressed.
Currently Anticipating: Getting through this long and god-awful day so I can lie on my couch and do nothing.
Currently Looking Forward To: ANTM and the taco bar at my house tomorrow!